The Trauma Of Abandonment

Abandonment can be one of the worst forms of trauma, especially when it occurs in early childhood. The devastating and soul-crippling feeling of abandonment can come from a range of experiences, each of which could differ from person to person. Anything from losing a parent, to child abuse, or even simply neglect can cause enough trauma to seriously harm a child from an early age.

The fear of losing those close to you is certainly a normal, valid concern. But when a fear of abandonment becomes so deeply engrained into someone’s mind that it alters their ability to have normal, healthy relationships, it becomes a problem that needs to be addressed. Abandonment issues can often lead to many complicated problems later on in life. Some people develop defence mechanisms such as self-sabotage in their relationships in a subconscious effort to avoid abandonment. With time, healing, and sometimes therapy, these behaviours can be fixed.

Understanding Abandonment

Healthy social and mental development in children requires adequate physical and emotional care. Without it, children are at a much higher risk of developing unhealthy behaviours later in adulthood. The fear of abandonment is often caused by either one single traumatic event, such as the loss of a parent, or an extended series of events such as prolonged child neglect. Any kind of threatening circumstances in someones younger years that presents a risk to their physical or emotional wellbeing can have consequences later on. Feelings of abandonment are usually associated with some kind of disconnection with a child’s parents from an early age, whether that be neglect, divorce, or even the death of a parent.

While childhood experiences are most often the root cause of problems later in life, issues like the fear of abandonment can be triggered at any time in someone’s life. Anyone can be devastated by the loss of a parent, or even a partner, even in adulthood. Emotional neglect doesn’t only affect children, it can also occur in unhealthy relationships, which usually involve other physical and emotional abuse as well. Children and adults who are subject to ridicule, held to unrealistic standards, and denied the care and support necessary for a healthy and happy life are forced into a vulnerable situation and feel abandoned because they have no support system to lean on. The fear of abandonment is not always caused by trauma alone, but rather the lack of a healthy way to manage those feelings of pain and loss.

Psychological Challenges as a result of Abandonment

When someone experiences significant feelings of abandonment, it will often lead to long-term psychological challenges. These individuals fear experiencing the event again, and they will develop defence mechanisms in order to avoid feeling abandonment again. People who experience abandonment as a child tend to develop anger issues, mood swings, and other problems that may interfere with their relationships and day-to-day life. Individuals may struggle with trust issues, intimacy, and self-esteem later in life.

Another problem with abandonment is that the psychological trauma can be passed down to the next generation. Too often, the reason children lack adequate physical and emotional care is the fact that their parents experienced the same kind of neglect. That is the reason it is so important to address the problems caused by abandonment, because eventually they will affect the people around you.

When people experience abandonment or other kinds of trauma, they run the risk of developing a range of mental disorders such as depression, anxiety, and co-dependence. When people suffer from trust issues and poor self-esteem, they tend to surround themselves with people who reinforce their own negative views of themselves. On the other hand, they tend to push people away who may be able to provide better emotional support, because the trauma of being abandoned may have left the individual feeling they don’t deserve or don’t want that kind of support in their lives.

Addressing Abandonment in Therapy

Therapy can be a great solution to help manage the underlying mental and emotional issues from trauma and abandonment earlier in life. Cognitive behavioural therapy aims to find the root causes of the issues associated with abandonment and childhood trauma. By separating fears from the past and fears from the present, therapy helps to isolate problems and make them easier to manage.

There are several different kinds of therapy that are proven o be effective with abandonment problems. These include EMDR, dialectical behaviour therapy, psychotherapy, and other therapy programs that focus on self-compassion and emotional awareness. The goal of therapy programs is to equip patients with the tools needed to manage their fears and feelings. Through lots of exercises, practice, and hard work, the fear of abandonment can be resolved so that people can have healthy relationships and normal lives.